This week’s episode took a shocking turn: not a single scene of Goro screwing some broad. (Though it’s implied - no dry spells for our hero.) Instead, the show opted to get a little deeper into the human psyche. We’re a quarter of the way through the season now and Moonlight Mile is going to teach us all about what it means to be a man.

Manly Lesson #1: Nobody Likes a Whiner

Goro latest girlfriend, Moera, works in the ISA cafeteria and brags to the patrons about her sexy boyfriend - he’s got a reputation for writing operations manuals, but nevermind that: with hard work and practice, he’s gonna make it to space! And Goro is in the pool in his astro-suit doing just that.

The next morning, Goro steps out onto the beach for a run. Meanwhile, Moera’s brother Chris (an astronaut) is just coming back from his latest mission. He arrives at her house and greets a very happy Tracy (Moera’s daughter) and a barely clothed Moera. Happiness abounds - Uncle Chris is home!

Manly Lesson #2: Nonviolent Problem Solving

Chris is a little wary to find out that Goro has been doing his big sister, but he doesn’t make a fuss. Instead he goes out to find Goro and settle this thing like men. That’s right folks, it’s a race. They both end up falling on their faces so I’m not sure who won (I guess we’ll have to get out the rulers), but then end up laughing with each other so…great.

Manly Lesson #3: A Lie by Omission is Really Funny

Back at the astro-facility, Chris makes a big speech about the latest astro-gadget, the Power Loader, and singles out his buddy Goro as a great guy. Aw, shucks! Then they go play baseball and - after pretty much getting his Japanese ass handed to him - Goro finds out that Chris was debating between being an astronaut and being a major league baseball player.

Manly Lesson #4: Family First

Next it’s Happy Birthday, Goro! Moera got him a cake and her boobs pressed in his face. What a gal. In return, Goro gave her season tickets to the Rangers. In the next scene they’re having fun at a NASCAR race…he does know that’s not the Rangers, right? Family fun continues at the beach; Moera and Tracy frolic while Chris and Goro get some work done. At least until Moera decides she wants her man and bodily picks up Goro and carries him away. Damn, girl!

Manly Lesson #5: Love Thy Elder Sister

So Chris leaves to go into space and before he does he gives Goro his souvenir baseball and a nugget of wisdom wrapped up in a baseball metaphor. His sister, he says, is like the catcher who stays all through the game and her “outlaw” boyfriends are the relief pitchers who come in for a little bit and then leave. Or something like that. My eyes kind of glazed over. Short story shorter: don’t be a dick to my sister.

We get a little glimpse of the chick from Japan, too. She’s at the astro-facility supervising things and being critical of the way they do their job. She really is kind of a bitch. I hope Goro screws that out of her soon.

Manly Lesson #6: Leave While Everything is Awesome

Back at the house, Goro admits to Moera and Tracy that he needs to be moving on soon and Moera…thanks him? I guess it made sense to her, but I had a hard time understanding why she would let a guy who so darn handy and, oh yeah, stellar in the sack get away from her. Well, to each her own.

Manly Lesson #7: Baseball Saves the Day

In space, trouble’s a-brewing. Chris is out testing the Power Loader when…gasp!…pressure drops and then…gasp!…something explodes, sending the Power Loader into a rotation from which Chris cannot be rescued! And, given the lack of friction in good ol’ space, it’s going to be spinning for a long time. On Earth, Goro hears about it and sums up his thoughts in yet another baseball metaphor: Chris is intentionally walking to give Goro, et al, a chance at things.

But…crap! He’s wrong! So he and his team get to work on a plan to stop the rotation of the Power Loader and rescue Chris, though Moera is pretty sure he’s going to die (she’s such a downer). In another baseball metaphor, Chris reflects that he’s been “hit by a pitch,” and resigns himself to die. Good thing his buddy Goro hasn’t given up hope!

Goro comes up with a plan (and wrecks his toy) and tells Chris to “hit with the core of the bat.” All right, all right, we get it. Baseball. Good. The plan is basically to pop out a ball-like section of the Power Loader (I’m sure it’s not an important piece) and hit it with the long arm, like a bat hitting a ball, thus stopping the rotation of the Power Loader. I’m not real fresh on my physics, but in the world of Moonlight Mile it works perfectly. Oh yeah, and there’s more references to baseball, via Goro telling Chris to knock it out.

Chris lives and comes home and, again, everybody’s happy. Even Moera as she says goodbye to Goro. He’s on his way back to Japan, having been invited to be a part of the crew of the first manned Japanese rocket (besides the one in his pants…oh yeah). He tells her to tell Chris that he’s keeping the ball, they kiss, and he drives off.

Over-arching Manly Lesson: Say it better with baseball.

There’s intrigue brewing that we haven’t seen yet and plenty more chances for Goro to show off his abilities to save the world and bang women from every direction. Batter up!

Next week: Lostman’s back…in the desert…on a camel…with some guy.

Posted on Monday, April 16th, 2007 at 12:36 am in Moonlight Mile. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.