Last week Moonlight Mile introduced us to its own brand of manliness. Today we’re going a different route. This episode was stained brown with shit, both literal and metaphorical, both in the production decisions and the characters we met. It’s a cornucopia of scatological treasure.

We start off the episode with what I think was a shitty decision. There’s a reminder about what happened last time, even though that arc is over and those characters are gone. They don’t explain what’s happening or why so if someone missed Mission 3, he or she would only get really confused. I was confused as to why they even decided to stick that in there. Was the episode running short? Needed some dumb filler? Who knows.

From there we move on to some people who seem to be shit out of luck. First, a desert warrior getting shot at. He runs out of ammo just as another convoy of Bad Guys is pulling up. Luckily for him, he’s saved by a kid with a getaway camel. Whew. Then we go to a plane full of men who are preparing to meet their maker. Luckily for them, Lostman shows up and saves all their asses. They will live to shit another day and they are very grateful.

But, wait - the Second Gulf War has just started. Everybody gets ready to shit…I mean, ship, out.

Lostman gets sort of reamed out by his superior, who is pretty obviously full of shit. Then the postmen he saved dig out his ISA transfer letter (if he’s transferred just in time, he doesn’t have to fight in the war and risk being killed before had can become an astronaut) and go to deliver it. But where’s Lostman?

They’re told that he’s off screwing his lady, because that’s what he does before he goes out on a mission (remember the first episode?). But I’m suspicious and I think this is another instance of being full of shit. If he was with his ladyfriend, it seems to me that Moonlight Mile’s style would be to show a few seconds of a furiously thrusting Lostman. But they don’t. Why? I wonder if Lostman’s ladyfriend isn’t really a…boyfriend. Hey, the ship is full of guys, it happens. Lostman, I’m not going to judge you, but I don’t like to be lied to.

Then we go back to…Goro? Wait, why is he even in this episode? Did they think we would forget about him? This is both a shitty decision and an instance of looking like shit. Seriously, Goro, lose the helmet. You look like a tool.

Back to Lostman! He goes out on the mission because his superior has intercepted his letter (damn you!) and gets shot down. SHIT!! At first I thought maybe he had planned it and this was his way of getting out of the war. But…he actually gets captured and tortured and I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t have been part of the plan.

So the guy and his kid from the beginning agree to take Lostman to the Americans, hoping they can get weapons from them for saving him. Now it’s time for some real shit. In Lostman’s pants. And I didn’t make that up. But he redeems himself by saving the kid.

Oh, he also looks like shit. Man’s been tortured, after all.

They get him a camel and we talk about how great camels are. They shit, you know. And it burns well. Hats off to you, camel.

So our boys cross the desert and eventually run into two other camel riders who invite them back to their tent. I’m pretty sure the boss man in the tent is full of shit and it’s also shitty that there doesn’t seem to be any language barrier between Lostman and the others. I guess they could be speaking English to him, but nobody ever says so.

After leaving they come across an abandoned truck, from which the kid wants to steal shit, but Daddy doesn’t let him. Oh, there’s also a mine in the sand. They wander away and get ambushed - I’m pretty sure the guy in the tent sent them. Here’s where the noble camel lets me down. They’re getting shot at, the riders are diving for cover, and the camels just stand there. They don’t actually run away until after they get shelled and the rockets are about to hit. Shit for brains, clearly.

Of course somebody has to die and in this case it’s the dad. He very nobly sacrifices himself so that Lostman and his son can live and no doubt shits his pants as he waits for the tank to come and kill him.

Then…it’s over. We don’t see how Lostman and the kid get saved, we just see them back at the American embassy. Glad everybody is safe, butI feel gypped. Shitty.

Overall, a decent episode. Nice to see Lostman again - it would be nicer if he and Goro were reunited finally - but I was really disappointed by the fight and flight sequences. And this episode had a lot of them. They just weren’t very exciting, there wasn’t any energy. Some sound effects, some yelling, but nothing special. I’ve never seen more boring gunfights. If those had been amped up and really got my blood pumping, this episode would have been awesome. As it stands…eh.

Next time: Goro and his latest conquest play in the snow!

When are we going to space?!

Posted on Saturday, April 28th, 2007 at 1:55 pm in Moonlight Mile. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.