Things took a dramatic and unexpected turn in this week’s episode. Deciding to throw caution to the wind, the production team ended the Death Note series three episodes early, and to hell with the exciting conclusion you might have expected. No sir, we’re headed in a different direction altogether.

NUCLEAR EXPLOSION. EVERYONE DIES.

…

Oh. No. No, that isn’t what happened at all.

We rejoin SPK Member Whose Name I Can’t Remember at the beginning of the episode, as he recounts for Near exactly what happened/is happening with Mikami on the train. This is also partly for the audience’s benefit - we’re stupid, remember.

Also, it’s apparently Christmas. All Near wants from Santa is a shinigami to interrogate.

At the hotel, Light’s team is finally starting to realize that they’re idiots. I mean, seriously - Light takes a call from “Kira,” and then says, “take away all the cameras.” And instead of thinking to themselves, “no way - something’s definitely up with that” they say, “oh…okay. Guess we have no choice.” Because, you know, if they don’t do it, Light can kill them all with his brain instantaneously. Right.

So Aizawa marks the bottom of the pads of paper in the room with his fingernail. Presumably, if they are communicating via written messages, the nail mark will be flattened and he’ll know. Good boy. Who wants a cookie?

While Light and Boobs-san have a boring conversation about their relationship, Matsuda creams his pants over all the drama and gets chastized by the other guys. Leave Matsuda alone, you big bully! He’s trying to insert a little fun into this vacuous series.

Meanwhile, Boobs-san essentially threatens to kill Light if he’s jerking her around. It made me chuckle, because we all know Titties McChesty doesn’t have the balls to play those kinds of games.

Back to the SPK, while they spy on Mikami as he has a lonely emo moment. Poor kid is feeling bad about being abandoned by his shinigami and they’re intruding on his hidden pain. Near gets excited at this mention of a shinigami and then the big guy has to explain to him all about that thing in his pants.

Light and Boobs-san part for the evening (theirs is the most dull torrid affair ever) and Aizawa goes back to check out the nail marks.

ZOMGWTFBBQ THEY’RE GONE!!!!

You know, I think they might be communicating.

Aizawa demads to see Near in person and gets his wish. Well that was easy. He’s shocked to find a toddler but he says, “Near! I believe in you now!” as though Near was Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. Uh…I believe in him too. Where’s my quarter?!

Then Misa-Misa-Misa gets kidnapped and taken away and tortured brutally and finally ripped limb by limb…!!!!

Well, no. But she does get kidnapped, and that has an element of danger in it. Not enough, but a little. Accidents happen, right?

Near’s behind it, of course, so Light politely reminds him that kidnapping is a crime. Near claims they went along with it, so Light asks them and they sort of confirm it. So…no hard feelings.

Meanwhile, SPK Member Who’s Name I Don’t Remember (and who actually has very pretty eyes) trails Mikami at the gym. He goes through his locker and finds…dun dun dunnnnnnnnn…the Death Note!!!! What next, what next?! To give him some privacy and let him finish his gigantic orgasm, there’s a flashback to Near giving him orders to touch the Death Note and hopefully see the shinigami. They agree that the shinigami might feel obligated to protect the Death Note owner and kill him, which made me laugh for about an hour. As if Ryuk would stoop so low!

And then I think there was an earthquake, because the screen got all jumpy.

He reaches out! He touches the Death Note! He takes it out of Mikami’s bag! And then…nothing!

…Wait, nothing? Nope, not a damn thing.

Near says it’s possible he’s being manipulated using the note to say that he doesn’t see a shinigami when he really does see a shinigami. Sure, whatever.

A week passes. Light and Boobs-san meet up for another yawn-fest. SPK Member Whose Name I Don’t Remember (ok, it’s actually Giovanni, but I don’t like that name) takes pictures of the whole Death Note. They conclude that Mikami has written all the names in it. Right.

Near gets excited again at the possibility that the Death Note really does work. Maybe if he just believes in it hard enough…!

Next time: Matt and Mello stop by for tea. It’s awkward.

Posted on Monday, June 11th, 2007 at 2:56 pm in Death Note SUCKS. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.