I think I’ve found my new Moonlight Mile. Pity it’s not longer. I mean bigger. I mean…um…er…

The premise is so easy a caveman could do it: three mismatched bad boys have to work together to play a game orchestrated by bored rich executive. No, it’s not a kinky sexual thing (darn!), it’s a sort of Capture the Flag, only the “flag” is a computer disc with top secret information. With each “round” of play, the prize money goes up, finally ending with a $1 billion purse after 15 rounds.

Naturally, capturing the flag requires lots of beating people with fists, sticks and other assorted weaponry. Ooooh, how wickedly masculine!

How are they going to fit 15 rounds into three episodes? I don’t know and I don’t care. What’s important is there’s more than enough ridiculous manly posturing to go around! And, in the strange and hilarious way of most manly-man action stories, it’s all vaguely homoerotic:

I’m the strongest!
No, I am! RARR!
No, me! *FLEX*
ROAAAARRRR!
GRRR!
*sweat*
*grunt*

Let’s meet the crew, shall we?

Bad Boy #1: Loudmouth Blonde Virgin

This chap is your typical loud, socially unaware goofy kid. He’s the baby of the group, only 17 years old, and he likes plastic models and video games. Of course he does.

He just wants everybody to be friends. He’s not a fighter, he’s the one constantly needing rescue. Also, he’s got some sort of intenstinal thing going on. Very nervous constitution on this one.

Dark backstory: Something to do with a nun? Weird.

Bad Boy #2: Tortured Ginger Bishie

I don’t need anyone. I depend on myself. I am my own support system. I am a lone wolf. I love my independence. I drive women crazy with my aloof nature.

I cry myself to sleep at night because there’s no one alive who will even consider loving me.

You know the type.

Dark backstory: Probably involves a fall from grace, disappointing his sensei, etc. He used to train with a dojo. Also…he used to have glasses. OH THE AGONY OF MY SOUL.

Bad Boy #3: Black-Hair-No-Eyes

This dude is the chain smoking, womanizing bad-ass action hero every man probably wants to be. But wait - there’s a catch. He has no eyes. I mean, he has eyes, but you don’t really ever see them. His long floppy hair covers his eyes 99% of the time.

But he’s too bad-ass to pull it out of the way with one of those namby-pamby hair bands. No sir. He can be blinded by thick silky locks and still hit people in the head with a pipe. Rock on.

Dark backstory: Rich boy who disappointed his father. Refused to get a haircut and was kicked out of the family.

The only woman in the first episode doesn’t have a name. Or a face. How it should be.

Not surprisingly, we see her prancing around Black-Hair-No-Eyes’s apartment and touching his stuff and asking stupid questions.

Also, there’s fighting.

Next time: get those rulers out, boys, we’ll settle this thing once and for all!

Posted on Thursday, April 10th, 2008 at 5:45 pm in Bus Gamer. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.